Devil's Dictionary of Online Old Bike Sales (Bike-Related Humor)

Antique = bike was produced more than 12 months ago and has any amount of rust on it.


Barn find = bike was found in any sort of building in a county that has at least 1 farm somewhere in the jurisdiction.


Collectible = seller prefers the bike take up your garage space rather than his.


Custom = fenders cut down 50% and parts from differently sized bikes added.


Classic = bike resembles a bike that any Google image search will show.


Deluxe = A broken bell and plastic headlight have been added.


Lowball = offering more than 25 cents below seller's listing price.


One owner = seller owns the bike and the previous owners are dead or unable to testify.


Original = bike has random rusty parts on it.


Picker = any person who has Googled "old bicycles". 


Professionally repaired/restored
= seller looked at Google and then tried to fix something on the bike (whether successfully or not).


New-Old-Stock/NOS = rust hasn't quite made holes in the frame yet.


Rare = seller's brother/friend told him he has never seen one.


Relic = a pile of rust that may or may not have once been a bicycle.


Restored = like "original" above except less rust and more Rustoleum.


Safe
= bicycle has a less than 70% chance the brakes will fail on the test ride.


Tire-kicker = anyone who has more than 1 question about the bike.


Vintage
= similar to "antique" above but seller saw one on Google.

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